Sunday, December 30, 2012
Grateful
This year I could focus on the bad or I could focus on the good I've had my fair share of both in my life this year. The beginning of the year started with a phone call/text about 11:45p.m NYE Grandpa died shortly the next a.m I've had B.S from the people I thought were in my corner but more then anything I found out my why's my ups my downfalls my hardness on myself I am in love and it drives me wild. I am scared of it at moments but I am thrilled by it as well. Feels amazing Believe I'm going to spoil my Granddaughter something crazy and put all my energy into her. I am in the beginning of my own family, I pray for clarity and that I remain open minded, and don't be one of them people who is so .... well not sure the word I am looking for but bitter about new beginnings would be as close to what I mean that I could say. I am thankful for breath for life for smiles for being able to be surprised and happy. I love you life I am coming home to enjoy this time today and now
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Our first Christmas
So I am not sure what we will do exactly and how we will start our own tradition as I know we both have big family's and I want to make sure he does what he would love to do on the holidays.
I love our tree and how it looks so amazing. I can see him and I through all the colors and designs - we are both colorful and beautiful :)
I love our tree and how it looks so amazing. I can see him and I through all the colors and designs - we are both colorful and beautiful :)
Great taste
I love the taste he has; so darn adorable. I love that we both can imagine what the other loves
My pink sweater
The other day it was so sweet; I wasn't expecting anything but lately has been a lot of surprise.
I find that we are so much alike it's crazy. In a good way though. We both love to do for one another and I think that if we can't at any given moment we feel awful about it. Poor us :(
Aw I love having someone love me it's a great feeling
I find that we are so much alike it's crazy. In a good way though. We both love to do for one another and I think that if we can't at any given moment we feel awful about it. Poor us :(
Aw I love having someone love me it's a great feeling
Healthy Relationships
Healthy Relationships
Communication is a key part to building a healthy relationship. The first step is making sure you both want and expect the same things -- being on the same page is very important. The following tips can help you create and maintain a healthy relationship:- Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in.
- Respect Your Partner. Your partner's wishes and feelings have value. Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.
- Compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way.
- Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and encouragement to your partner. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down.
- Respect Each Other’s Privacy. Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space.
10 Habits of Happy Couples
What does it take to be happy in a relationship? As I sit back and look at what made us happy; I see why were often so happy but also see what I sometimes forget in the heat of the moment.
I found that I would sometimes have all the best intentions ideas and thoughts in my mind but we find at times we are human and human nature sometimes is to do what we've always done.
Never give up on true love -
1. Go to bed at the same time (I almost could smack myself when I think logically. I love being in my huns arms)
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests (we do amazing here)
After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side (i love this about us)
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode(I believe I'm making this my default mode more and more)
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong(today tomorrow and always)
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work(love hugs)
Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning(love this about us)
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel(taught a very long time ago)
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a "weather" check during the day(ha ha how many times do we not see how excited our partner is about something)
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner(Love this in couples and I believe we have this)
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So I know I need to look at this everyday and each month maybe touch up here or there to keep the smiles going.
I found that I would sometimes have all the best intentions ideas and thoughts in my mind but we find at times we are human and human nature sometimes is to do what we've always done.
Never give up on true love -
1. Go to bed at the same time (I almost could smack myself when I think logically. I love being in my huns arms)
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests (we do amazing here)
After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side (i love this about us)
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode(I believe I'm making this my default mode more and more)
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong(today tomorrow and always)
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work(love hugs)
Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning(love this about us)
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel(taught a very long time ago)
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a "weather" check during the day(ha ha how many times do we not see how excited our partner is about something)
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner(Love this in couples and I believe we have this)
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So I know I need to look at this everyday and each month maybe touch up here or there to keep the smiles going.
Sometimes your hurt feelings hurt others
Sometimes I think we forget that we meaning you and I or we all in the world have the choice to deal with our hurt and our feelings our own way but sometimes you forget that you being hurt or being down could hurt someone else. Kind of like a hurt puppy; you'd want to fix it. Well if someone loves you then they will want to fix you. We all know we can only fix ourselves so be whole be you so that way the ones you love don't get hurt thinking they don't make you happy enough in this life.
Learn to be receptive of that gift.
Love is a gift.
You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you.
You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you.
Relationships
The secret to a long-lasting relationship is remembering that the best thing to hold onto in life is each other.
Don't settle for a relationship that wont let you be yourself.
The amazing thing about life is that you choose what you allow in it, you choose how things affect you, you choose how you react. Happiness is a choice. So Make the right one....
No matter what you do in life, never settle for less and get desperate by submitting yourself to something that feels good for the moment. Self-entrapment is the primary tool of negative influence. Let your previous experiences and prior learning curves keep you at a fine balance. Your desperation will only set you up for an upset and an unbearable disappointment. Control your life through your dependence on God and your own independence and you won't need additional legs to help you stand up to life's greatest challenges.
It is much wiser to walk away in silence then to speak the negative words in and on your mind. Once you unleash your words from out of your mouth, you cannot retract them, nor prevent them from entering into another set of ears. The process of your perception is already in motion. Use your wisdom to be the lever that gives stability to your humble attitude.....
Sometimes people lie because they know the truth will hurt you. What they fail to get is, it hurts MORE to know your not worth the truth...
I am flirting with destiny, courting my promise, committing to my purpose, honey mooning my future and marrying my calling.
The person that you need in your life is the one that is not afraid to admit that they needs you in theirs.
Your relationship goal should not be to find someone who makes u happy, but rather to be happy first, then attract someone into your life who encourages u to express your happiness without inhibition
"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let go!"
The only person that deserves you... is the one that thinks they don't. the one that'll stick by your side... no matter how much you mess up. and the one who will forgive you... mistake after mistake...
3 things you should want in a relationship
1.) Eyes that wont cry,
2.) Lips than wont lie,
3.) And love that wont die.
Don't settle for a relationship that wont let you be yourself.
The amazing thing about life is that you choose what you allow in it, you choose how things affect you, you choose how you react. Happiness is a choice. So Make the right one....
No matter what you do in life, never settle for less and get desperate by submitting yourself to something that feels good for the moment. Self-entrapment is the primary tool of negative influence. Let your previous experiences and prior learning curves keep you at a fine balance. Your desperation will only set you up for an upset and an unbearable disappointment. Control your life through your dependence on God and your own independence and you won't need additional legs to help you stand up to life's greatest challenges.
It is much wiser to walk away in silence then to speak the negative words in and on your mind. Once you unleash your words from out of your mouth, you cannot retract them, nor prevent them from entering into another set of ears. The process of your perception is already in motion. Use your wisdom to be the lever that gives stability to your humble attitude.....
Sometimes people lie because they know the truth will hurt you. What they fail to get is, it hurts MORE to know your not worth the truth...
I am flirting with destiny, courting my promise, committing to my purpose, honey mooning my future and marrying my calling.
The person that you need in your life is the one that is not afraid to admit that they needs you in theirs.
Your relationship goal should not be to find someone who makes u happy, but rather to be happy first, then attract someone into your life who encourages u to express your happiness without inhibition
"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let go!"
The only person that deserves you... is the one that thinks they don't. the one that'll stick by your side... no matter how much you mess up. and the one who will forgive you... mistake after mistake...
3 things you should want in a relationship
1.) Eyes that wont cry,
2.) Lips than wont lie,
3.) And love that wont die.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Love
Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.
I love the sweet side of him :)
Romantic love reaches out in little ways, showing attention and admiration. Romantic love remembers what pleases a woman, what excites her, and what surprises her. Its actions whisper: you are the most special person in my life.
I deserve real love
Real love does not have conditions or restrictions. It transcends all hurdles that may be encountered. Why would you not allow yourself to love in this way when it is clear that the benefits are so great?
Don't we all deserve this?
Don't we all deserve this?
Can you let go????????////////
At the risk of loosing my life to death from a heart attack or going into a depressed manic depression state because I am afraid of what can be .... is this what life is truly to me, fear of being hurt.
How can two people be afraid of what they both want and know how to give?
To not allow oneself to love fully and freely effectively creates a barrier to your full potential. It creates a wall between you and true happiness. You cannot become fully positively engaged in an intimate relationship unless you allow yourself to love unconditionally.
I'm praying God that you help me keep this promise to myself.
How can two people be afraid of what they both want and know how to give?
To not allow oneself to love fully and freely effectively creates a barrier to your full potential. It creates a wall between you and true happiness. You cannot become fully positively engaged in an intimate relationship unless you allow yourself to love unconditionally.
I'm praying God that you help me keep this promise to myself.
Never thought I could fear life
Life presents us with many challenges but there is one that truly stands out as being paramount. To live life fully and freely we have to find a way in which to face our fears and overcome them. If we do not find our way to doing this then our fears will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Fear of loss is the main perpetrator of loss. Fear of not being loved is the main cause of not feeling loved.
How was I such a willful powerful nothing shakes me type of teenage girl but now I'm a women and fear everything?
How was I such a willful powerful nothing shakes me type of teenage girl but now I'm a women and fear everything?
Fear
Fear is what gets in the way of true love for a surprisingly large number of people. Fears come in many different shapes and sizes. Fear of not being loved in return, fear of getting it wrong, fear of rejection, fear of what other people think, fear or social ridicule, fear of ending up alone, fear of loss...and many variations of these themes abound.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Ruined me for you
Is it possible you could have ruined me for yourself...
Oh lord how do I get over this feeling
I have nothing of my own it feels like now on top of everything else ...
I feel so happy but he robbed my happy and little did he know he was my happy
I needed nothing else so now what ....
Oh lord how do I get over this feeling
I have nothing of my own it feels like now on top of everything else ...
I feel so happy but he robbed my happy and little did he know he was my happy
I needed nothing else so now what ....
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
God teach me to be silent
I just want to stop saying what hurts my feelings. I need smiles and to look ok.
When you hurt me; I try to stop loving you but can't.
Take this knife to my throat, cut me deep and watch me choke. Kiss my cheek and walk away. Then I'll use my last breath to say I still love you.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Hard Life Hard People Knife through Heart Feelings of never being able to fix it.
At 32 years of age I've had amazing times in my life and love life but if I go over it I've been hurt so bad and put down stepped on and expected to just be! However with the awful moments 2012 has had and with how hard of a year and all the tests I've been through; if I died right now at this moment.... well I would have died a happy women!
Thank you for this feeling -
“We walk alone through this world, but if we're lucky, we have a moment of belonging to something, to someone, that sustains us through a lifetime of loneliness.”
Thank you for this feeling -
“We walk alone through this world, but if we're lucky, we have a moment of belonging to something, to someone, that sustains us through a lifetime of loneliness.”
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
If I can smile
Let me smile! Please may I smile. Silly silly I am to overlook so much and swiftly you come in and say your sorry and moments later it's ruined because you need to push.
I'm okay if I say I am okay.
I'm irritated that you take the air I breathe by strangling me with reminders "that you don't listen to me"
To say your sorry is to be sorry and not to make the person feel less happy then before you said sorry.
If I can smile won't you let me?
I'm okay if I say I am okay.
I'm irritated that you take the air I breathe by strangling me with reminders "that you don't listen to me"
To say your sorry is to be sorry and not to make the person feel less happy then before you said sorry.
If I can smile won't you let me?
Hey you... yes you... yes me!
Compassion for yourself enables you to witness your feelings, thoughts, and actions with acceptance, caring, and understanding as you would when empathizing with another. Compassion is expressed with gentleness, tenderness, and generosity of spirit – quite the opposite of self-criticism, perfectionism, and pushing oneself. When most people are stressed, overwhelmed, or exhausted, they attempt to do even more, instead of caring for themselves. If you weren’t nurtured as a child, self-nurturing can be absorbed in therapy over time. You’ll learn to integrate the acceptance and empathy offered by your therapist. Self-compassion differs from self-pity, which is a judgment about your situation or feelings. Rather than acceptance and compassion, self-pity says, “It shouldn’t be this way.”
I need to remember that other's words don't define me! I am who I am and shouldn't feel compelled to say Sorry about that!
True happiness emanates from self-esteem, which is the cornerstone of successful relationships, work, and life. Self-esteem reflects how you treat and talk to yourself. If you’re a perfectionist, deep down you may not think you or your accomplishments are good enough. Although self-esteem can fluctuate with life’s ups and downs, high self-esteem helps you return to feeling okay. You don’t blame yourself or take others’ opinions personally. Healthy self-esteem allows you to honor and trust yourself, to meet your needs, and to live authentically in accordance with your values and feelings.
Your a Chominaaaaaa
I spoke on this once before but the words come springing loudly ...
as I recall the conversation of "he don't define you"
Years ago they were the words that set fourth a domino effect of courage. Maybe it's time I start to revisit the important people in my life and hold more conversations because it seems it is easier to process things when they are said out loud or when you hear someone else talking about something similar.
as I recall the conversation of "he don't define you"
Years ago they were the words that set fourth a domino effect of courage. Maybe it's time I start to revisit the important people in my life and hold more conversations because it seems it is easier to process things when they are said out loud or when you hear someone else talking about something similar.
As he spoke to me last night and the night before I was thinking about this same stuff in life:
We’re adults. We’ve got all the credentials and scars to show for it. … But a grown-up is supposed to possess himself, to be his own person, to make decisions according to his wishes and his best judgment.
Too often we find that this is not the case with us. Frequently we are so limited by habitual ways of acting and thinking, so needful of the approval of others, and so afraid of their disapproval that we don’t own ourselves at all. We are like a corporation that has gone public, and other people own controlling shares. And for many of us in that position, the biggest shareholders are our parents. [...]
The parent-child relationship is a primary source of who we are, and the mutual emotional attachments are derived from countless interactions, conscious and hidden memories, and profound feelings that go back to our days of oneness with them.
Time to revisit Life Coaching!
Coaching focuses more on looking forward: setting goals, discovering strengths, and living in such a way that you can find that "sweet spot" of being exactly where God wants you to be, using the strengths He's given you. All I can say is that it's going to be nice to be back behind the wheel of my life again!
Why do we dwell on the past????????
After something stressful has occurred it would be nice if we could leave it behind and move on with our lives. Sometimes we can. For example, you might narrowly miss getting sideswiped by another car, feel stressed in the moment, and then shake it off and move on with your day.
But often after we’ve encountered a stressful event, say, an argument with a spouse or an important presentation at work, we continue to ruminate (have repetitive, often negative, thoughts). These thoughts are not about active problem-solving; they are repeatedly chewing on and worrying over past events.
Why is it that sometimes we can let go of the things that stress us out and at other times, even after the event has passed and we know can’t change it or our response, we continue to be stuck thinking about it?
But often after we’ve encountered a stressful event, say, an argument with a spouse or an important presentation at work, we continue to ruminate (have repetitive, often negative, thoughts). These thoughts are not about active problem-solving; they are repeatedly chewing on and worrying over past events.
Why is it that sometimes we can let go of the things that stress us out and at other times, even after the event has passed and we know can’t change it or our response, we continue to be stuck thinking about it?
At this point, it is clear that God is speaking directly to me. To my circumstances. But He doesn't stop there . . .
“A great illustration of God’s plan is a trapeze artist. They swing out holding onto a trapeze bar, and then they let go in order to grab hold of another trapeze bar that swings them to the other side. But, at one point, they’re not holding on to any bar. They’re suspended in air for a split second.”
I’m living in that split second right now. I know that God is in control; that He’ll never let me fall. But He affirmed and acknowledged the terror of living in that split second.
Great Bible Verse
“Let nothing disturb you,?Let nothing frighten you,?All things are passing away:?God never changes.?Patience obtains all things.?Whoever has God lacks nothing;?God alone suffices.”
Affirmation
Sometimes it’s difficult to discern God’s direction during challenging times. Yet other times, God’s will is so crystal clear that it’s like a clarion call for those who are listening.
“You can cry, ain’t no shame in it. “
If you’re sad, express it. We’ve created ideas around crying today such that people repress themselves, which isn’t healthy.
Crying is a very natural thing for all of us. Don’t be ashamed about it just because you’re human.
Crying is a very natural thing for all of us. Don’t be ashamed about it just because you’re human.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Brusies are so dark
It's hard to believe that only seven months in he would take it that far. I was scared of him before but now I am so hurt at his words.
I feel like he hates me when he calls me names :(
2-11-2013 at 7 am originally posted
I feel like he hates me when he calls me names :(
2-11-2013 at 7 am originally posted
Angels? Am I my Mother?
Have you had a Angel grace your life?
I'm usually the Angel, the one that comes down and helps everyone.
I'm always getting it done.
It makes me feel so bad not to be able to DO MORE for people but truthfully honestly ....
what is hard is that for once in my life; I truly feel leveled ... grounded ... with all my eyes open seeing everyone but being so content in "ME"
I could die today and I will have changed a lot of lives, I will have went above and beyond, I will wish I was more there for my Son then anyone elses....
The irony behind all of this is ... I just got a huge news flash the other day....
I am my Mother... I am exactly how she was that drove me insane and hurt me so dam much. I felt like I was sitting there looking up saying "mom what about me?"
as she was the best Auntie in the world the greatest this and that .... but oh how I hurt inside. <st people in the world to talk too>>but when I was younger I felt like I had no one to talk to :( beacause I felt like everyone else had her.
What a crazy thing in the world - where I could type something out and feel I just had a paid hour of therapy. However my heart hurts... because I fear I may have made my Son feel the pain I felt so unintentional.
The only fear I have is that .... I well... I came around and gave moms a chance ... I'm sure I gave her some hell but I want him to love me like that little boy that once ran into my arms... see as tears RUN DOWN my face and as MY HEART pours out I truly wonder {will I get to be a Grandma the way I let my Mom be one}
I'm so scared of this thought, question and frightened and not a single soul knows it... I believe that I truly am not going to be able to enjoy my happiness until I mend what I know was broken. Did I blame my mom for DAD... yes i did....Did I blame mom for being HURT...yes i did...
but as i CRY i say inside my heart DEAR GOD ..... what if.....if.... we mimic it all except my forgiveness to my Mom and my opened up eyes that helped me see she needed me and needed to know I was okay with our relationship -- that I actually did that...in fact I miss my Mom when I don't speak to her or see her.
It hurts my heart that I can't do all that I was doing for her; for my Grandma... i mean ***to never check my balance because I was frugal but loved spoiling my family. Well if this was a video diary you would see tears all over my face, eyeliner running down in which I am sure makes my face - one hot mess.***leave it to me to lighten the mood change the subject or avoid saying to much of how I feel.
As I cry all by myself in the middle of the night because most nights... well most nights I can't sleep - not when I'm wondering how my Son is inside about me about us. He's my baby, I love my baby boy so much and it kills me to think he could possibly not feel it. My loves so powerful but feels so insufficient...
Dear God,
I'm so sorry for everything I"ve ever done in my life and asking you begging you praying to you, for my relationship with my Son. Don't let me die feeling as though I've meant nothing, done nothing that mattered in this world... please because ... no matter what I've done in this life nothing matters or will if my dream of being a Mother was a nightmare to my Son. I've never hurt so much in my life; I could go back and relive my awful molestations, rapes and never tell a soul if I could just get a second chance. As awful as them memories, thoughts and the pain was - I would truly bare it all for him.
I feel as though I always worry about not making someone else feel bad that i hold in my emotions. So for the first time in a very long time I am truly thankful for my gift of writing. I've truly missed writing over the passed five months and I think the only way I'm going to remain sain and release the pain in a healthy good way. I'm so use to having a place to run to and hide, run to and cry and not a single person would know it or see it... they would just see the happy me. Don't get me wrong... I'm happy and it's not a fake smile put on but deep down inside I'm hurting.
Please let me cry it out somehow someway ... I need to find that time to myself and write again, release again and get out my true deep down feelings....
Anonymously me
I'm usually the Angel, the one that comes down and helps everyone.
I'm always getting it done.
It makes me feel so bad not to be able to DO MORE for people but truthfully honestly ....
what is hard is that for once in my life; I truly feel leveled ... grounded ... with all my eyes open seeing everyone but being so content in "ME"
I could die today and I will have changed a lot of lives, I will have went above and beyond, I will wish I was more there for my Son then anyone elses....
The irony behind all of this is ... I just got a huge news flash the other day....
I am my Mother... I am exactly how she was that drove me insane and hurt me so dam much. I felt like I was sitting there looking up saying "mom what about me?"
as she was the best Auntie in the world the greatest this and that .... but oh how I hurt inside. <
What a crazy thing in the world - where I could type something out and feel I just had a paid hour of therapy. However my heart hurts... because I fear I may have made my Son feel the pain I felt so unintentional.
The only fear I have is that .... I well... I came around and gave moms a chance ... I'm sure I gave her some hell but I want him to love me like that little boy that once ran into my arms... see as tears RUN DOWN my face and as MY HEART pours out I truly wonder {will I get to be a Grandma the way I let my Mom be one}
I'm so scared of this thought, question and frightened and not a single soul knows it... I believe that I truly am not going to be able to enjoy my happiness until I mend what I know was broken. Did I blame my mom for DAD... yes i did....Did I blame mom for being HURT...yes i did...
but as i CRY i say inside my heart DEAR GOD ..... what if.....if.... we mimic it all except my forgiveness to my Mom and my opened up eyes that helped me see she needed me and needed to know I was okay with our relationship -- that I actually did that...in fact I miss my Mom when I don't speak to her or see her.
It hurts my heart that I can't do all that I was doing for her; for my Grandma... i mean ***to never check my balance because I was frugal but loved spoiling my family. Well if this was a video diary you would see tears all over my face, eyeliner running down in which I am sure makes my face - one hot mess.***leave it to me to lighten the mood change the subject or avoid saying to much of how I feel.
As I cry all by myself in the middle of the night because most nights... well most nights I can't sleep - not when I'm wondering how my Son is inside about me about us. He's my baby, I love my baby boy so much and it kills me to think he could possibly not feel it. My loves so powerful but feels so insufficient...
Dear God,
I'm so sorry for everything I"ve ever done in my life and asking you begging you praying to you, for my relationship with my Son. Don't let me die feeling as though I've meant nothing, done nothing that mattered in this world... please because ... no matter what I've done in this life nothing matters or will if my dream of being a Mother was a nightmare to my Son. I've never hurt so much in my life; I could go back and relive my awful molestations, rapes and never tell a soul if I could just get a second chance. As awful as them memories, thoughts and the pain was - I would truly bare it all for him.
I feel as though I always worry about not making someone else feel bad that i hold in my emotions. So for the first time in a very long time I am truly thankful for my gift of writing. I've truly missed writing over the passed five months and I think the only way I'm going to remain sain and release the pain in a healthy good way. I'm so use to having a place to run to and hide, run to and cry and not a single person would know it or see it... they would just see the happy me. Don't get me wrong... I'm happy and it's not a fake smile put on but deep down inside I'm hurting.
Please let me cry it out somehow someway ... I need to find that time to myself and write again, release again and get out my true deep down feelings....
Anonymously me
Random Rambles of my Pen
Do you think anyone truly cares in this life the way you do?
I find myself always doing for others and always being so meaningful and then it hurts that they don't care or they don't acknowledge or worse them not doing something you would have makes you feel like they don't give a shit.
More on this later .....
Is this tumor consuming me?
I've never been so scared in my life.
I have been through everything it seems ... at times simply on my own.
I want someone by my side.
Is it wrong to want a little sympathy?
I think that I truly am more bitter more sad more hurt that I spent so many years being so caring for others. Not the loving of the kids in the family but the oh they just got out of the hospital .... (hmm) let me take full on care of them.
It's not right for me to truly get bent out of shape but you know PEOPLE ... I am HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!! It hurts me so much to know that I let a lot of people hurt me ... that I let a lot of people change my life, my course, my feelings.
Do you know how many times I knew that I was not friends with someone that was truly "MY FRIEND" or stayed in a relationship "I knew I was HURT in"
I think of all the circles this world takes you in and I think of all the times everyone has known they could and can count on me and yet and still if I broke down on the side of the freeway, I'm sure of maybe one person I could call.
It breaks my heart to say that out loud "well type out loud" if people had any clue how hurt I am inside by their actions would they still go about these ways????????????
I have been through everything it seems ... at times simply on my own.
I want someone by my side.
Is it wrong to want a little sympathy?
I think that I truly am more bitter more sad more hurt that I spent so many years being so caring for others. Not the loving of the kids in the family but the oh they just got out of the hospital .... (hmm) let me take full on care of them.
It's not right for me to truly get bent out of shape but you know PEOPLE ... I am HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!! It hurts me so much to know that I let a lot of people hurt me ... that I let a lot of people change my life, my course, my feelings.
Do you know how many times I knew that I was not friends with someone that was truly "MY FRIEND" or stayed in a relationship "I knew I was HURT in"
I think of all the circles this world takes you in and I think of all the times everyone has known they could and can count on me and yet and still if I broke down on the side of the freeway, I'm sure of maybe one person I could call.
It breaks my heart to say that out loud "well type out loud" if people had any clue how hurt I am inside by their actions would they still go about these ways????????????
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
You'll make it through..
The more dirt you’ve been through the bigger the scar and the more hurt you’ve been through, the bigger you are, and we'll see what is bigger than what you figure you are. We're all part of the plan, and try to stay at the right side of the fence. With the devil riding your sins; you can remember... sometimes, that's all you can remember, but it won't always be as cold as December. As dark comes to an end, don’t forget to give thanks for word of God. It’s always true... have faith.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Who is she?
She’s the girl that believes that what comes around goes around. The one that hopes for a better day. The one that won’t give up on you. She’s the girl that’s unlike the rest. The one that spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. She’s the girl that would love to be loved. The one that looks so damn strong, but feels so weak. She’s the girl that picks herself up every time she falls. And she‘ll be okay. She really will. She’s tough…and She deserves to be happy.
Friday, October 26, 2012
BAD DAY OR BAD LIFE???
Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have bad life. Without bad days, how would you be able to know what a good day is like? You have to believe that when things are bad, You can change them. So be grateful about your bad day, it means that a good day is just around the corner. Com’on SMILE :)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
a Pen and Paper
Do you realize how beautiful it is to have a pen and paper?
Even if you feel no one listens to you even if you feel that you can read to someone and they would just fall asleep...
At least if you have your pen and paper you have freedom.
The freedom to talk to speak to yell to cry to feel to smile to laugh and it can bring you peace... it brings you joy!
a Pen and Paper
Oh joy it's better then any little 'ol toy!
I still remember sitting in my window seal legs up paper on my lap ..the pen gracing those pages as my radio blared the latest music. Oldies of course :-)
Those days seem so far away but for a moment as I write I can feel that link ... the link between me and that little girl. I was so young precious and had the biggest imagination - full of hope big dreams and still to this day I find myself having that big 'ol heart believing the best in everything ... in everyone.
Even if you feel no one listens to you even if you feel that you can read to someone and they would just fall asleep...
At least if you have your pen and paper you have freedom.
The freedom to talk to speak to yell to cry to feel to smile to laugh and it can bring you peace... it brings you joy!
a Pen and Paper
Oh joy it's better then any little 'ol toy!
I still remember sitting in my window seal legs up paper on my lap ..the pen gracing those pages as my radio blared the latest music. Oldies of course :-)
Those days seem so far away but for a moment as I write I can feel that link ... the link between me and that little girl. I was so young precious and had the biggest imagination - full of hope big dreams and still to this day I find myself having that big 'ol heart believing the best in everything ... in everyone.
My Writing My Journal entries My words
Well it seems that I have had to put in the stuff I have been writing since I actually have been writing a lot of stuff on paper....
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Don't be out of balance!
When we allow ourselves to continually see the bad in the whole wide world or we are always on the defense ~ thinking that all people are evil~ then~ we are way out of balance.
Stand up to Manipulators
A person with successful boundaries has to stand up to manipulators. Manipulators are often charming people, but their intent is to produce enough guilt with their accusations and threats that we back off. They say things like, "If you loved me you wouldn't do that", "That's not very Christian", "You are really selfish". What are some of the things manipulators have said to you to get you to back off?
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you're a good person and a good friend. What's meant to be will end up good and what's not, won't. Love is worth fighting for but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you.
Not perfect!
And no relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. But, the love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that's the key. It's like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot
Saturday, September 15, 2012
The ache in my heart
Who was i?
Was i just another memory to forget?….
Though I know I’m just a memory
like the end to one of your stories
but to me you are the one i love
I love until the end…
So I come before you to ask you;
why.... why do these things happen?
Why must I understand and be ok?
Shall I say why should I be forgiving?
Why should I be understanding?
Shall I feel walked all over and allow
this feeling to take me over?
You gave your only Son for our sin
and I am trying to be understanding
to the fact that this isn't your doing...
I am having a hard time wondering how
I will explain what I know to someone
else when I don't know how to explain
it to myself.
You can know something but dis-regard
it in a moment when it makes your heart burn....
I feel as though my Soul has been taken from
me... I feel as though my body is not my own...
I feel as though my life belongs to something
someone... else not of good but of evil as I
don't get how something so bad can happen...
Please help me get some understanding...
I need understanding ...
I want a new life a new way a new view a
new anything so I don't feel or have to feel
what I feel...
If I've been through it all and then I have to
face my worse fear ... I just want to ...
want to disapear as though I never existed at
all!
I pray for strength I pray for understanding
I pray for the heart of yours... I pray for a
day of happiness to stay... there must be a way.
Just come to me in my dreams so I can
understand this land that I am to see one day...
I am going to lay down and try not to frown
I am going to lay down and try not to drown.
I want to believe in a better way a much
better day and life of love and beauty
a life of no hurt no dirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need so much right now ....
I never need anything but I know
that right now I need you! I need you
but more then that I want you!
I want my faith to overcome my
mind and my soul ... let's roll
can we? Can I be selfish and
ask for you to come to me above
all else before anyone before I
walk away? I can't cry...
My eyes are becoming dry...
My heart hurts....
Dear God ... i need u... >m
Was i just another memory to forget?….
Though I know I’m just a memory
like the end to one of your stories
but to me you are the one i love
I love until the end…
So I come before you to ask you;
why.... why do these things happen?
Why must I understand and be ok?
Shall I say why should I be forgiving?
Why should I be understanding?
Shall I feel walked all over and allow
this feeling to take me over?
You gave your only Son for our sin
and I am trying to be understanding
to the fact that this isn't your doing...
I am having a hard time wondering how
I will explain what I know to someone
else when I don't know how to explain
it to myself.
You can know something but dis-regard
it in a moment when it makes your heart burn....
I feel as though my Soul has been taken from
me... I feel as though my body is not my own...
I feel as though my life belongs to something
someone... else not of good but of evil as I
don't get how something so bad can happen...
Please help me get some understanding...
I need understanding ...
I want a new life a new way a new view a
new anything so I don't feel or have to feel
what I feel...
If I've been through it all and then I have to
face my worse fear ... I just want to ...
want to disapear as though I never existed at
all!
I pray for strength I pray for understanding
I pray for the heart of yours... I pray for a
day of happiness to stay... there must be a way.
Just come to me in my dreams so I can
understand this land that I am to see one day...
I am going to lay down and try not to frown
I am going to lay down and try not to drown.
I want to believe in a better way a much
better day and life of love and beauty
a life of no hurt no dirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need so much right now ....
I never need anything but I know
that right now I need you! I need you
but more then that I want you!
I want my faith to overcome my
mind and my soul ... let's roll
can we? Can I be selfish and
ask for you to come to me above
all else before anyone before I
walk away? I can't cry...
My eyes are becoming dry...
My heart hurts....
Dear God ... i need u... >m
Thursday, September 13, 2012
What is family??????????
In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit.
Healing Bible Verses =)
Matthew 8:2-3
A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.
Matthew 8:17
This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases."
Matthew 18:18-19
"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
Matthew 21:21
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.
Mark 11:23-24
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Mark 16:17-18
And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Romans 4:17-21
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead--since he was about a hundred years old--and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
Romans 8:11
And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.
II Corinthians 10:4-5
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Galatians 3:13-14
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree." He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.
Ephesians 6:10-17
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Philippians 2:13
...for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
II Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:35
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
Hebrews 11:11
By faith Abraham, even though he was past age--and Sarah herself was barren--was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise.
Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
James 5:14-15
Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.
I Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
I John 3:21-22
Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.
III John 2
Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.
Revelations 12:11
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Exodus 15:26A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.
Matthew 8:17
This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases."
Matthew 18:18-19
"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
Matthew 21:21
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.
Mark 11:23-24
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Mark 16:17-18
And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Romans 4:17-21
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead--since he was about a hundred years old--and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
Romans 8:11
And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.
II Corinthians 10:4-5
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Galatians 3:13-14
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree." He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.
Ephesians 6:10-17
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Philippians 2:13
...for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
II Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:35
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
Hebrews 11:11
By faith Abraham, even though he was past age--and Sarah herself was barren--was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise.
Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
James 5:14-15
Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.
I Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
I John 3:21-22
Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.
III John 2
Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.
Revelations 12:11
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
He said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you."
Exodus 23:25
Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you.
Deuteronomy 7:15
The LORD will keep you free from every disease. He will not inflict on you the horrible diseases you knew in Egypt…
Deuteronomy 28:1-14, 61
If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God: You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock--the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed. You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out. The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven. The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you. The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity--in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground--in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you. The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.
The LORD will also bring on you every kind of sickness and disaster not recorded in this Book of the Law, until you are destroyed.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
I Kings 8:56
Praise be to the LORD, who has given rest to his people Israel just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses.
Psalm 91:16
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.
Psalm 103:3
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.
Psalm 107:20
He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.
Psalm 118:17
I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
Proverbs 4:20-23
My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 53:4-5
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
Jeremiah 1:12
The LORD said to me, "You have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled."
Jeremiah 30:17
But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD, `because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.'
Joel 3:10
Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears. Let the weakling say, `I am strong!`
Nahum 1:9
Whatever they plot against the LORD he will bring to an end; trouble will not come a second time.
Toxic Friends- When Enough is Enough
Friends are great. They laugh with you, share your secrets, give you a shoulder to cry on and are fun to be around. Most friendships start out that way. Some friends turn out to be life long friends who are more like family. Other friendships change over time. Sometimes people drift apart and you become more like acquaintances or you just lose contact..
What happens if you have a friendship that used to be wonderful but has turned negative? Your friendship has become draining and not fun anymore. You find yourself doing things you wouldn't normally do for your friend. Maybe your friend just disappears when the going gets tough. Maybe there are other things going on. Your friend stops listening to you, puts you down, cuts you off or constantly complains. You wonder why your friendship has changed and what you could have done wrong. Could it be that this friend has always been this way and you just never noticed it? You think, 'maybe its just me and I'm imagining this.'.
These are all examples of a toxic person and sadly they are everywhere. You find them at work, at church, next door and you probably have one or two of these types in your family. If you have a feeling someone in your life is not good for you, you are probably right.
These are all examples of a toxic person and sadly they are everywhere. You find them at work, at church, next door and you probably have one or two of these types in your family. If you have a feeling someone in your life is not good for you, you are probably right.
Real friends listen to you up when you are down.
Your best friends love you no matter what.
Is Your Friend Toxic?
If you are already asking yourself this question, then the answer is most likely yes. Keep in mind, nobody is perfect. Sometimes we or our friends are going through a rough time and aren't acting like ourselves. We've all made a hurtful comment or complain endlessly to our friends. If a friend is doing these types of things constantly it's a different story. If you have a talk with your friend about her behavior and nothing changes she is toxic. Here are some red flags. Please keep in mind that even though I'm using the pronoun 'she' as an example, a toxic person can be male or female.
She puts you down. Snide and belittling comments, especially around others. Friends should never do this to each other. Especially when others are present.
It's always about her. You've had a bad day, you broke up with your man or lost your job. Maybe something really exciting happened and you want to share it with her. You're in the middle of talking and she cuts you off and starts talking about something trivial. She just chipped a nail this morning or she can't afford that designer bag she's been eying. Was she even listening? She does not seem to realize you are upset... or care. When you finally do tell her what's wrong, she displays phony sympathy and goes back to talking about herself.
You are doing things you don't want to do. You don't feel like going out tonight, hanging out at her place or meeting her for coffee but you find yourself doing it anyway. She might even have you running her errands. Her guilt trips always seem to work and you are never happy when the both of you are hanging out because you didn't want to be with her to begin with.
She is negative. Your friend is constantly complaining, has an unpredictable temper or is always upset about something. You dread her phone call because she isn't calling to chat. She'll keep you on the phone complaining or bad mouthing others. Once your off the phone you are drained emotionally.
Your other friends don't like her. Sometimes our friends see things way before we do. Listen to your other friends and ask them to give you reasons as to why they do not approve of your friendship.
She crosses lines. Your friends should never insult your family or closest friends. Even if you are fighting with someone you love and vent to her about it. That should always be off limits.
She is too competitive. Is your friend always trying to one up you? A guy is flirting with you at a club and she tries to steal the attention. You spot a pair of jeans you want but can't afford them and the next time you see her, she's wearing them. Maybe you just scored a raise or lost a few pounds and she isn't happy for you. Does she always remind you about how she's richer, thinner or prettier? The reality is that she is probably insecure and jealous of you and it's only going to get worse.
She uses you. She wants to go out but then something better comes up and she blows you off. You end up paying for her drinks or for dinner when you go out. She never pays you back. Are you the one always stuck driving when you are hanging out? She's taking advantage of your good nature.
She has too many issues. You have enough problems. You don't need an emotionally imbalanced person to add to it. Does she create her own problems? Does she use drugs, drink excessively or get into a lot of trouble? It's one thing when people have problems and try to better themselves. Toxic People don't think they have problems. They think other people do.
She puts you down. Snide and belittling comments, especially around others. Friends should never do this to each other. Especially when others are present.
It's always about her. You've had a bad day, you broke up with your man or lost your job. Maybe something really exciting happened and you want to share it with her. You're in the middle of talking and she cuts you off and starts talking about something trivial. She just chipped a nail this morning or she can't afford that designer bag she's been eying. Was she even listening? She does not seem to realize you are upset... or care. When you finally do tell her what's wrong, she displays phony sympathy and goes back to talking about herself.
You are doing things you don't want to do. You don't feel like going out tonight, hanging out at her place or meeting her for coffee but you find yourself doing it anyway. She might even have you running her errands. Her guilt trips always seem to work and you are never happy when the both of you are hanging out because you didn't want to be with her to begin with.
She is negative. Your friend is constantly complaining, has an unpredictable temper or is always upset about something. You dread her phone call because she isn't calling to chat. She'll keep you on the phone complaining or bad mouthing others. Once your off the phone you are drained emotionally.
Your other friends don't like her. Sometimes our friends see things way before we do. Listen to your other friends and ask them to give you reasons as to why they do not approve of your friendship.
She crosses lines. Your friends should never insult your family or closest friends. Even if you are fighting with someone you love and vent to her about it. That should always be off limits.
She is too competitive. Is your friend always trying to one up you? A guy is flirting with you at a club and she tries to steal the attention. You spot a pair of jeans you want but can't afford them and the next time you see her, she's wearing them. Maybe you just scored a raise or lost a few pounds and she isn't happy for you. Does she always remind you about how she's richer, thinner or prettier? The reality is that she is probably insecure and jealous of you and it's only going to get worse.
She uses you. She wants to go out but then something better comes up and she blows you off. You end up paying for her drinks or for dinner when you go out. She never pays you back. Are you the one always stuck driving when you are hanging out? She's taking advantage of your good nature.
She has too many issues. You have enough problems. You don't need an emotionally imbalanced person to add to it. Does she create her own problems? Does she use drugs, drink excessively or get into a lot of trouble? It's one thing when people have problems and try to better themselves. Toxic People don't think they have problems. They think other people do.
Friends who care about you don't want to see you sad.
It's always fun to be with your best friends.
Why Do I Attract These Types of People?
Don't be too hard on yourself. These types are everywhere. They come in all shapes and sizes and can be male or female. Sometimes you keep someone in your life because you've been friends since children or because you've been through some things together. You may have invested so much into this friendship that you want to make it work.
People who have a history of attracting these types usually have a good nature or are a bit too nice. People who come from dysfunctional families usually have a lot of toxic people in their lives. What matters is that you know now and you can start eliminating these people from your life. Knowing what to look for early on can prevent toxic people from entering your life to begin with.
People who have a history of attracting these types usually have a good nature or are a bit too nice. People who come from dysfunctional families usually have a lot of toxic people in their lives. What matters is that you know now and you can start eliminating these people from your life. Knowing what to look for early on can prevent toxic people from entering your life to begin with.
How Do I End the Friendship?
Trust me, if you continue the friendship, it will begin affecting you. You don't want to hold in all your resentment and frustrations because it will eventually come out in a negative way. Having toxic people in your life wreaks havoc on your self worth and confidence. You may even become a toxic person yourself.
Sometimes the best way to end a friendship is to simply distance yourself from that person. Don't make plans and have an excuse ready if she wants to see you. Don't call just to chat and don't take her calls. When you do talk to her, let know that you've been busy and it's hard to get together because of it. It's okay to say that some of your interests have changed and you don't think you have much in common anymore. It's always best to remain on friendly terms. This is especially important if you have mutual friends.
Sometimes the best way to end a friendship is to simply distance yourself from that person. Don't make plans and have an excuse ready if she wants to see you. Don't call just to chat and don't take her calls. When you do talk to her, let know that you've been busy and it's hard to get together because of it. It's okay to say that some of your interests have changed and you don't think you have much in common anymore. It's always best to remain on friendly terms. This is especially important if you have mutual friends.
Dealing With Toxic People
Preventing People Like This Into Your Life
I've had a lot of experience with toxic people. For a while there it seemed like just about everyone I knew was bringing me down. It was difficult but I managed to eliminate people who were affecting me so negatively. These days I'm just a bit more cautious of who I trust and let into my life.
Being a loving and trusting person is a beautiful thing- if you love and trust the right people. Keep your guards up around new people. Realize that true friendships happen over time and that a person must earn your trust before you start telling them things. Trust your gut. If someone gives you an uneasy feeling, don't assume it's all in your head. Keep a distance from people who make you uncomfortable. Those are the ones you should always watch out for.
Your true friends are the ones that bring you up when you are feeling down and they don't knock you down when you're up. They love you despite your flaws and look out for you. Your real friends listen to you and respect you.
One true friend is better than a dozen false ones, and really, who needs a dozen jerks in their life?
Being a loving and trusting person is a beautiful thing- if you love and trust the right people. Keep your guards up around new people. Realize that true friendships happen over time and that a person must earn your trust before you start telling them things. Trust your gut. If someone gives you an uneasy feeling, don't assume it's all in your head. Keep a distance from people who make you uncomfortable. Those are the ones you should always watch out for.
Your true friends are the ones that bring you up when you are feeling down and they don't knock you down when you're up. They love you despite your flaws and look out for you. Your real friends listen to you and respect you.
One true friend is better than a dozen false ones, and really, who needs a dozen jerks in their life?
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