As I look at the calander and see that it's almost May - I reflect on all that I am; all that I've felt; all that I plan to do for those I have lost & those fighting for life at this moment.

The hardest and toughest thing to be in this life-is being YOU-being UNIQUE or simply being-SLOW TO SPEAK or just being; of which your mind and outside opinions of others are continually waring against; is to be your complete self. You cannot be yourself, if you don't know who you are. And you cannot know who you are, if you don't know where you come from. This is our only battle and quest in this life; to find out who we are and where we come from. Survival is just secondary. Go beyond your human knowledge of who you think you are; your life's journey starts from this point. Life is waiting for you to discover the realization of who you are. Start your journey, in search for the truth of you. Don't abandon the search, because the only truth that you need to discover, is the truth of you; that's what that empty void inside of all of us is about. Don't abandon the search of discovering the truth about you. There will be many truths along your path; but there is only one. Don't settle for any other truths until your void is filled. Smile -- It makes a world of difference. Dance -- Who knows when you wont be able to. Cry -- Holding those emotions in is bad for you. Kiss -- Kisses are the most wonderful things in the world. Laugh -- Whats the point in hiding happiness? Frown -- Why not let him know you're unhappy? Apologize -- You don't wanna lose friends. Hug -- There's no better feeling being wrapped up close to someone you love. Live -- because life is everything. - i Found it...Sometimes, in order to become emotionally and mentally strong, you have to be broken down to your weakest point in order to build yourself back up. Not only broken down, but ripped to pieces in order to realize that life is not that fairytale that you grew up wishing upon! Tomorrow is a blank page, just waiting to be filled with your dreams... All you have to do is be yourself and live the story of your own unique life. Be proud. Be confident. And most of all be happy.. My words may not impress you but my actions will.
You've gotta wake up every morning and ask yourself, 'How bad do I want it?' How much work are you willing to put forth for the things and people you want and need in your life? Nothing great comes without effort. But I promise you that if it's something of great meaning in your heart and something you need in your life...EVERY risk, EVERY step and EVERY drop of sweat will be worth it.
Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines.
"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."As we have woke up to another day God has blessed us with; I wait to find out if a loved one will as well. Truly from the Heart-Ms. Toni - Marsalia

Photographer by Heart

I enjoy being behind the camera more then being in front of it. I truly should have made this my number one career goal! I love this picture

We often forget to be slow to speak

Felt a little inspired talking about music the passed few days... 

Hmm

Do you know the words that I sing??

 

There is someone out there for me
Can you tell me his name? 
How does he laugh? How does he cry? 
What is the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I’m here? 
Where are you??  -   “Where Are You” - unknown

You yearn for someone not because you want to be complete but because you want to add more color to your life. That person must not necessarily break through your schedule but inspire you to manage your time instead. You see, it is not a matter of distance and time. It is more like a relationship in a higher level.

It is smiling alone every once in a while, knowing that somewhere, somehow, someone smiles at the thought of you too.

 Dec 23, 2011 orig post date

Amazing truthful quotes

Physical verses Verbal Abuse:

Physical abuse is easily identified. There is no doubt, once you have been hit, that you have been physically abused. You don’t second guess yourself because the bruises and scars are visible evidence that abuse has taken place. Verbal abuse is different. The damage is internal, there are no physical bruises or scars, just a wounded spirit and sense of self-esteem.

Insecurities - Un-healthy for realationships

WHY DO MEN GET JEALOUS? Whatever form a man's jealousy takes, the root cause is always the same: insecurity. There may even be a connection between male jealousy and infidelity, says psychologist Gladeana McMahon. 'Men aren't so sure these days about who they're supposed to be. Should they be the provider, or an equal partner? This uncertainty breeds insecurity and, in turn, jealousy. 'Some jealous men may have problems entering into a monogamous relationship because they find it too scary to commit to one person - what if it goes wrong, or she lets him down?'So these men split their emotions. They can be insanely jealous of their partner, but being unfaithful to her provides, they think, the emotional security of not putting all their relationship eggs in one basket.' _______________________________________WHAT ARE THE WARNING SIGNS?• If he grew up around infidelity. 'If he saw his parents cheating on each other, he may have grown up thinking that's what people do, and be carrying a great deal of mistrust,' says Gladeana.• If he's been cheated on. He may well be asking why he should trust you if he was so badly hurt before.• If he has a poor self-image. If he doesn't believe he's worth much, then he's always going to question why you stay with him - and whether you'll continue to.• If you're more successful or more highly paid than him. A common jealousy trigger, as it strikes at the core of every man's sense of his own status. Glance at any celebrity magazine and it's clear how the relationships between famous women and not-so-famous men have a habit of hurtling towards the rocks, usually amid tales of the man's jealous outbursts. Exhibit A: Jennifer Lopez's short-lived marriage to choreographer Cris Judd, punctuated by tales of the groom's jealous tantrums. ______________________________________Many women misread the signs when entering into a relationship with a jealous man, interpreting his possessive behavior as caring, even romantic. Others may choose to ignore the jealous outbursts, or try to anticipate or avoid the situations which spark them off. This, says Gladeana, is a major mistake. 'You must never back out of dealing with his jealousy in the hope it will go away - it won't,' she says. 'But by learning the right way to tackle it, he'll soon come to know that as soon as he starts suffering pangs, you'll always notice and won't let him get away with it.' ______________________________________HOW TO HANDLE A JEALOUS GUY1. Recognise it as a problem - both of you.2. Make a commitment. Him: that he genuinely wants to change his behavior and will work at it with your help. You: that you won't change your behavior to accommodate his. Never stop doing things to 'keep your partner happy.' He'll just find other things to get jealous about.3. Look for the reasons for the jealousy. It always comes down to an insecurity about one thing or another...but what? Perhaps his self-esteem needs building up - he may not feel, at heart, that he is loveable and his jealousy may be a way of testing this. You need to talk together about how the jealousy manifests itself and discuss how you'll deal with it when it next happens.4. Work out a 'jealousy code'. This is a sign, either a word or a gesture, agreed on and known only to you two, that either of you can use when jealousy is becoming a problem. It acts like a sort of 'time out' in difficult situations and signals for you to help each other.5. Don't pamper him. 'Changing your behavior to try and avoid jealousy is an example of pampering and never cures the problem. What does is encouraging him that he's doing well in trying to deal with it and that you recognise how difficult it is for him,' says Gladeana. Never, ever say that the jealousy is acceptable. Support him, but never collude with him.6. Get help. Jealousy is one of the most frequent problems brought to relationships counselors....

When intamacy turns violent - Warning signs of abuse

When Intimacy Turns Violent Know the early signs of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse to protect yourself from an abusive relationship and domestic violence. Love isn't supposed to hurt, but for too many women, physical and sexual abuse are part of their lives. Domestic violence experts estimate that 2 to 4 million women are battered each year. But domestic violence - an assault by a husband or boyfriend - doesn't always come in the most dramatic, headline-grabbing forms. Emotional and verbal abuse, date rape and more subtle forms of violence happen to women and girls of all ages. Are you - or is your daughter - in a potentially abusive relationship? Recommended Related to Sex & Relationships What Does "For Worse" Look Like? Just ask these five couples whose love passed the ultimate test.... It can happen with a phone call at 4 a.m. It can happen when your doctor says, "I have some bad news...." It can happen a week after your honeymoon, or in the middle of a deadline crunch at work, or on your way to your child's yellow-belt ceremony. Tragedy can hit, hard, anytime. And though it's romantic to think that couples can cling together and weather the storm, the reality... Domestic violence is not about anger, says Michigan psychiatrist Laura McMahon, MD, who teaches young women what behaviors are - and are not - appropriate in a relationship. "Domestic violence is about domination, manipulation and control." And abusive behavior often starts when a couple is just dating, she says. Types of Abuse Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or verbal, says Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN, author of When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong. She explains the different types: Physical abuse includes hitting, punching, strangling, restraining, pushing and slapping. Verbal abuse includes name-calling, shouting and yelling. Emotional abuse includes blaming, accusing and restricting your freedom - like preventing you from using the phone or talking to family members, or recording the mileage on your car to see if you've driven somewhere 'not allowed.' Attempting to confuse you mentally - as in the Hitchcock film "Gaslight" - is another perfect example, says Fay. Sexual abuse is a forced sexual encounter of any type, says Fay. This includes intercourse, inappropriate touching of any kind (even through clothing) and even forced kissing when you don't desire it. Common Abusive Behavior Most women don't leave at the first warning signs of domestic violence, Fay says, because they're afraid to rock the boat or don't have the financial resources and social support to leave. "Because of the controlling nature of abusers," she says, "it's hard for many women to make contact with someone who can help them, or even to have any money." Could you be in an abusive relationship? The Sojourner Truth House, an advocacy organization and shelter for battered women in Wisconsin, provides this list of abusive behaviors. While this list focuses on male partners, in a few cases, a woman could be the abuser in a relationship. He always has to be right Can you voice your own opinions, even if your partner disagrees? Or does he push your ideas aside and insist on being right? Short-tempered Is your partner short-tempered and quick to anger? Does he often slam doors, punch walls or throw things? Does he take out his anger on innocent animals? Uses his physical force Has your partner grabbed or squeezed you so hard you were bruised? Does your partner hold you down or shove, slap, kick or hit you, to get his way? Jealous and possessive Does your partner seem overly jealous or possessive of you? Does he frequently ask where you went, why, and whom you saw? Does he accuse you of things that you didn't do? Fascinated by weapons Does your partner carry a knife, gun or other weapon, or spend a lot of time watching violent films and videos? Heavy drinking or drugs Does your partner often drink heavily or use drugs, and become more hot-tempered when he does? Fast-moving relationships Has your relationship moved faster than you'd like? If your partner displays any of these behaviors, domestic violence experts advise you to leave immediately. "Unfortunately, you can't usually prevent domestic violence," says McMahon, "since most abusers don't feel they have a problem."

The phone test

He put a code for what he did but I asked yesterday for the phone and he went to hand it over ... I said that's ok Today - i got it and well lets just say numbers saved on the SD not the same showing and videos of porn.

dear God

Waiting on God Dear God,As I woke up this morning, I thought about time and the idea of stepping out in faith. How long do I wait for a breakthrough, during the down times and the quiet times when I feel so alone?As I read in my devotional, "my grace is sufficient for you," again I find strength in your Word to wait on you.Oh, God, I trust that you, who has begun the good work in me, are faithful to complete it. Today does not look any different than yesterday. My circumstances have not changed. But slowly and surely your Word is taking root in my heart and in it I have confident rest. I know my change will come. I am willing to wait on your perfect timing and your decision which is right.Thank you for weighing it all out and giving me all and only as much as I can bear. Thank you for the courageto wait and patiently trust that my Father knows what is best for me.Amen.

Grateful

This year I could focus on the bad or I could focus on the good I've had my fair share of both in my life this year. The beginning of the year started with a phone call/text about 11:45p.m NYE Grandpa died shortly the next a.m I've had B.S from the people I thought were in my corner but more then anything I found out my why's my ups my downfalls my hardness on myself I am in love and it drives me wild. I am scared of it at moments but I am thrilled by it as well. Feels amazing Believe I'm going to spoil my Granddaughter something crazy and put all my energy into her. I am in the beginning of my own family, I pray for clarity and that I remain open minded, and don't be one of them people who is so .... well not sure the word I am looking for but bitter about new beginnings would be as close to what I mean that I could say. I am thankful for breath for life for smiles for being able to be surprised and happy. I love you life I am coming home to enjoy this time today and now

10 Habits of Happy Couples

What does it take to be happy in a relationship? As I sit back and look at what made us happy; I see why were often so happy but also see what I sometimes forget in the heat of the moment.
I found that I would sometimes have all the best intentions ideas and thoughts in my mind but we find at times we are human and human nature sometimes is to do what we've always done.
Never give up on true love -
1. Go to bed at the same time (I almost could smack myself when I think logically. I love being in my huns arms)
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests (we do amazing here)
After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side (i love this about us)
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode(I believe I'm making this my default mode more and more)
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong(today tomorrow and always)
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work(love hugs)
Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning(love this about us)
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel(taught a very long time ago)
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a "weather" check during the day(ha ha how many times do we not see how excited our partner is about something)
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner(Love this in couples and I believe we have this)
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So I know I need to look at this everyday and each month maybe touch up here or there to keep the smiles going.

Read more: How To Be Happy in a Relationship- 10 Habits of Happy Couples - Woman's Day

I deserve real love

Real love does not have conditions or restrictions.  It transcends all hurdles that may be encountered.  Why would you not allow yourself to love in this way when it is clear that the benefits are so great?

Don't we all deserve this? 

Can you let go????????////////

At the risk of loosing my life to death from a heart attack or going into a depressed manic depression state because I am afraid of what can be .... is this what life is truly to me, fear of being hurt.

How can two people be afraid of what they both want and know how to give?

To not allow oneself to love fully and freely effectively creates a barrier to your full potential.  It creates a wall between you and true happiness.  You cannot become fully positively engaged in an intimate relationship unless you allow yourself to love unconditionally.

I'm praying God that you help me keep this promise to myself. 

Never thought I could fear life

Life presents us with many challenges but there is one that truly stands out as being paramount.  To live life fully and freely we have to find a way in which to face our fears and overcome them.  If we do not find our way to doing this then our fears will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Fear of loss is the main perpetrator of loss.  Fear of not being loved is the main cause of not feeling loved.

How was I such a willful powerful nothing shakes me type of teenage girl but now I'm a women and fear everything? 

Fear

Fear is what gets in the way of true love for a surprisingly large number of people.  Fears come in many different shapes and sizes.  Fear of not being loved in return, fear of getting it wrong, fear of rejection, fear of what other people think, fear or social ridicule, fear of ending up alone, fear of loss...and many variations of these themes abound.

God teach me to be silent

I just want to stop saying what hurts my feelings. I need smiles and to look ok.

Time to revisit Life Coaching!

Coaching focuses more on looking forward:  setting goals, discovering strengths, and living in such a way that you can find that "sweet spot" of being exactly where God wants you to be, using the strengths He's given you.  All I can say is that it's going to be nice to be back behind the wheel of my life again!

Brusies are so dark

It's hard to believe that only seven months in he would take it that far. I was scared of him before but now I am so hurt at his words.

I feel like he hates me when he calls me names :(

2-11-2013 at 7 am originally posted

Random Rambles of my Pen

Do you think anyone truly cares in this life the way you do? 

I find myself always doing for others and always being so meaningful and then it hurts that they don't care or they don't acknowledge or worse them not doing something you would have makes you feel like they don't give a shit. 

More on this later .....