Friday, June 14, 2013

Take your time when dating and remember that Men can and will say anything to get you -


   Some of them yes some not all or most but some:
 
To attract women.

     Like Bibles.

     A Bible can be a great chic magnet. Makes even gangsters and car salesmen look safe. Friendly. Trustworthy. Especially if it has his own name engraved on it. Now, I'm not knocking car salesmen and guys who tote Bibles. Most of these guys are legit. But some are merely veneer. Stay clear. You've seen them-the fake Jakes and faux Pauls.

     That's why it's imperative that you not only take Daters Ed but cover yourself with wisdom and accountability. We all have blind spots when it comes to love. When I'm driving, I have to look over my shoulder before switching lanes. Without a rear-view mirror, I may crash and burn.

     So take things slow when you are getting to know a guy. And the same goes for you guys too. I mean, come on.

     Employers check references.

     Banks require collateral.

     Apartments demand a security deposit.

     But singles everywhere hop in a relationship and drive it faster than a Maserati, risking their most valuable possession-their heart. Too many singles assume that everything a potential love interest says is certified but everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning of a relationship. That's why it is so important to complete an inspection. Evaluating character takes time but one thing is certain-the truth comes out eventually.
Just don't get in a hurry. Slow down. Look over your shoulder and proceed with caution.
 
     If you don't, your passion may go crashing.



 
Prayer: Lord, help me to be cautious when I'm considering new friendships or dating interests. Give me the wisdom to choose companions who love you and follow your ways. I pray that you will send people with whom I can be accountable and who will be direct enough to advise me of character issues that I am oblivious to. Please protect my heart from those who may take advantage of me and are not honest with their intentions. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Sometimes life is just about rolling down the windows in your car..blasting your favorite song..and forgetting the world for a while! However other times it is about being the early BIRD and CATCHING THE WORD so that you may be guided through your day abundantly! I have finally moved forward on two major projects in my life and I can't help but to smile ear to ear.
I've developed a forgiving way about me while                                                             inspiration and guidance, and yes those that criticized highly at that-well let's just be thankful God is who judges us because wow you'd think I was not awesome anymore. Offers on the table that I do right now; I'm so pleased to say that my first and #1 will be God and myself - great journey #2 My Boutique (Julianna Marie's Nest) ::thank you Robin:: & I have to wait on the third as I may have a couple very vested parties involved & am waiting for my F.E.I.N come Monday.

Friday, June 7, 2013

He has no feelings and treated me like shit!

Dear God

I wonder when I will quit and then I remember that I'm your daughter not his piece of trash!


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Tears Roll down my face poem

"Tears roll down my face as I look at life everyday. As I see who I come by and who sees me a different way. When I look at myself in the mirror I see some one else
When people look at me they say wow-I feel so alone at times when I need someone
Then people just look at me and say I'm sorry hun; I look at someone I love deep into their eyes and then when they say they don't love me I sit there and cry.
When people tell me I am beautiful I don't see it; I see someone else sitting in an empty pit basically-I feel so alone all the time, even when someone is standing by my side. Now why I feel this way I can't explain...you'd think it would be clear as day
yet people think I smile and laugh and am so happy. When tears roll down my face I am no longer able to feel my breath as it leaves my body I ache with pain inside. Yet to this day all I do is pray you'll see what's underneath... and all that God sees in me.
People see someone else, and I sit there and cry when I have no one to hold, no one there to give me a hug or to say, I love you for who you are, when I am so cold
When I sit in the dark and tears roll down my face-I feel like I am a big disgrace
Like people hate me even if they say they are my friends...Just when I think I have come to an end I'm praying that someones their to pick my head back up again. I feel alone and feel insane; I feel the tears roll down my face-When no one is there to wipe them away...I feel like crashing in the rain....People say oh you look so pretty
When all I say is thank you then turn around and say if you only knew what the ones closest say instead. I try and try to change my life; but nothing happens even with a knife or as I punch the walls it's like all I can do is fall. No one will say to me, I love you will you marry me and I will for ever be alone ---- when the tears roll down my face." Truly Ms. Toni (M a r s a l i a) MY words My Poem
I will be alone forever

Friday, May 31, 2013

People make mistakes either they are aware of it or not. Sometimes it takes a lot of time and courage to admit it but in the end, still the truth will prevail. As humans, we  don't want our reputation and dignity to be degraded.. The quotes that I'm going to share today will reflect on life experiences that once made us weak, unworthy, unfaithfully loved, and disrespected. Hope this will serve as reminders for those who caused so much pain and hurt to some people.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

As I look at the calander and see that it's almost May - I reflect on all that I am; all that I've felt; all that I plan to do for those I have lost & those fighting for life at this moment.

The hardest and toughest thing to be in this life-is being YOU-being UNIQUE or simply being-SLOW TO SPEAK or just being; of which your mind and outside opinions of others are continually waring against; is to be your complete self. You cannot be yourself, if you don't know who you are. And you cannot know who you are, if you don't know where you come from. This is our only battle and quest in this life; to find out who we are and where we come from. Survival is just secondary. Go beyond your human knowledge of who you think you are; your life's journey starts from this point. Life is waiting for you to discover the realization of who you are. Start your journey, in search for the truth of you. Don't abandon the search, because the only truth that you need to discover, is the truth of you; that's what that empty void inside of all of us is about. Don't abandon the search of discovering the truth about you. There will be many truths along your path; but there is only one. Don't settle for any other truths until your void is filled. Smile -- It makes a world of difference. Dance -- Who knows when you wont be able to. Cry -- Holding those emotions in is bad for you. Kiss -- Kisses are the most wonderful things in the world. Laugh -- Whats the point in hiding happiness? Frown -- Why not let him know you're unhappy? Apologize -- You don't wanna lose friends. Hug -- There's no better feeling being wrapped up close to someone you love. Live -- because life is everything. - i Found it...Sometimes, in order to become emotionally and mentally strong, you have to be broken down to your weakest point in order to build yourself back up. Not only broken down, but ripped to pieces in order to realize that life is not that fairytale that you grew up wishing upon! Tomorrow is a blank page, just waiting to be filled with your dreams... All you have to do is be yourself and live the story of your own unique life. Be proud. Be confident. And most of all be happy.. My words may not impress you but my actions will.
You've gotta wake up every morning and ask yourself, 'How bad do I want it?' How much work are you willing to put forth for the things and people you want and need in your life? Nothing great comes without effort. But I promise you that if it's something of great meaning in your heart and something you need in your life...EVERY risk, EVERY step and EVERY drop of sweat will be worth it.
Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines.
"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."As we have woke up to another day God has blessed us with; I wait to find out if a loved one will as well. Truly from the Heart-Ms. Toni - Marsalia

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Soulmate?

#Asoulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who were pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person were safe in our own paradise.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Passion- a word that involves many feelings:

I still light up like a candle burning when he calls me, I still melt down like a candle burning every time we touch...

"Passion" a word which involves so many feelings; I feel it when we touch, I feel it when we kiss, I feel it when I look at him; when he doesn't notice me noticing him. I love the moments when no ones around because all he can see is me. We can be in a room full of millions and that moment when I am all that he sees sets me free. 

Love is the passion that we feel inside our hearts that we can't hide. Even if I lied; you'd see it across my face like I wrote in permanent marker.. 

Random Ramblings of me... 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Know your Circle!

We can definitely inspire a lot of people to experience the precious positive side of life. Some people all across the world are in desperate search of what direction to take in life; The people that you look up to can either make you or break you in the future

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Director's email to me on her submission for publication after our interview:

Ms. Toni- Marsalia- is one of my favorite models to collaborate with because she works to create beautiful work. Recognized by her friends for her sense of style, Ms. Toni Models, Collaborates, Mentors, Studied with, Trained with, along side some amazing people in the Entertainment Industry. 
She has this year alone; been asked to write scripts for huge household names; styled Models for Photographers, been apart of, in, and coordinated Music Videos, she currently is working on her BIO, helping a few others with their BIO's, still edits Resumes from her HR background, holds Business Meetings, Coordinates, Promotes, and simply with her writing with music videos and movies such as "short film a shadow by the lake" which went full feature; she is a force to reckoned with and I would keep my eye on her for upcoming "THINGS TO COME" 
She personally is helping a young man at the age of 20 get his clothing line out and a women with her jewelry line getting noticed. When asked why? She simply said: "I would have loved to have one person step in and help me as a teen and all I want in return is a simple THANK YOU one day." Now this is a women after my own heart.
Director: Lynn 

How long have you been modeling?
The first time was my early tween years. I made looks, faces & gave them beautiful eyes, it was known that one day I would and could be an amazing writer; however needless to the concept that LEOS are all vein or into themselves, I truly am shy when it comes to "ME". Most people don't realize that beauty is very diverse and comes in all forms. Even the form that I hold.
How did you begin and what are your goals as a model?
I wish it was as easy to become a Model as I see it being these days; my parents didn't have much money so I actually started and had to put my dreams on hold many times through out the years. My goals as a model are to create beautiful work with whomever I am working with. I'm not trying to heavily pursue a career in modeling; I honestly have more of a passion for writing; helping create beautiful art and have been styling many models, photo-shoots and workshops.           
Describe your style.
I believe my style is very diverse. My closet is a dress up closet. Each day I decide what kind I look I want to go for, either it be business casual-professional or my favorites hippie as my Son would say or grunge, preppy, etc.

What was your opinion of modeling before and is it different now? if so, how?
Before I started to model it didn't seem like it was “The practice of airbrushing models, whether to make them look bigger and bustier or smaller and thinner, reflects poorly on the fashion industry. These techniques are all about creating an illusion and distorting reality,” I believe “It sets a bad example for women watching these celebrities because now they are vulnerable to comparing themselves to highly manipulated photo art, not a real photo of a real person. Though the photos aren’t real, they have a real and tangible negative effect on women who, bombarded by these images, are led to feel they aren’t meeting up to the standards of beauty. ”I find that creating art with the human form is beautiful. Why be ashamed of your own anatomy? I think the human structure is beautiful and should be celebrated; however you'll find that the biggest critics are your own family and so-called friends.


Where do you like to shop and who are your favorite designers?
My favorite designers carry Vintage. Most of the clothes that I have consist of it! It's really expensive to buy at full price- so I find deals or go to thrift shops and to be honest I can spend hours in the thrift stores.
If you could model for any designer, who would it be?
I don't really have a favorite designer. I'm not Ito following the top trends and serif what's "hot" next. If I see something that resonates with my spirit or simply is colorful and that I feel will brighten my day, I get that excited happy feeling.
What is your dream now that you've got this far?
“I don’t want to be a supermodel; I want to be a role model.” “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

I'm feeling very inspired, today is the beginning of the rest of my life! Love you all :)

I am perfectly imperfect, beautiful in my flaws, sure of my insecurities, absolute chaos..a beautiful disaster :D

Character is who you are when no one else is watching.

is feeling on top of the world today! Anyone want a hand up here, The view is amazing and There's plenty of room!?!

I'm no better or worse than you...no matter how big or small sin is sin...I'm just saved by God's wonderful Grace. Thank you God for your wonderful Mercy!!

Believes that we must let our smiles change the world, but not to let the world change our smiles. It's contagious and infectious, so smile and infect someone!

I believe that it doesn't quite matter who you were a decade ago, a year ago, or even yesterday ... what matters is who you are today, and will be tomorrow!

Each moment in a day, has its own value: Morning brings hope, afternoon brings faith, evening brings love and night brings rest Find them all today.

...If we do not speak it or live it, then others cannot see or hear it! Matthew 5:16 In the same way, let your light shine before men ...

Open your mind, try new things, take some risks you never thought you could, and live life to the fullest. You just might find it was what you needed....

Be who you want to be, not what others want to see. Be true. Be unique. Be free. (:

I'm in need of the breeze hitting her in the face; the ocean waves whispering in her ear and the sand between her toes

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. "What is it you would let go of today?"

She Who Kneels Before God-Can Stand Before Anyone

Remember, the mind likes to assume it "know what it knows" but often its perceptions are just not accurate. Yet strong judgments are made all the time based on limited information...When we judge someone and then adopt an attitude toward them, that shuts down other possibilities and locks us away from the insight of our hearts...

"A friend loves at all times." -- The Bible: Proverbs 17, 17.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Don’t let the burden of your negative thoughts hold you down in life; rather transform your thoughts into positivity, so that they can be the wheels that drive you safely to the finish line of your dream.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Photographer by Heart

I enjoy being behind the camera more then being in front of it. I truly should have made this my number one career goal! I love this picture

Sunday, March 31, 2013

I want to remind you that God didn't bring you this far just to drop you off! Stay positive! I thank God for my amazing family & friends & the opportunities that come my way! Life is such a blessing!! Each day remember this & smile!!


Good night loves, I pray for you all; to dream the night away, of better 2morrows in God's Name I pray; see you in the morning to start a new day! Good Night

Don't live life in fear, Forgive and forget, But don't forget why your here, Take your time and pray and Thank God for each day!!

Have you ever just wanted to run up to a stranger and say "your it" and run away? i have!

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Had a MARVELOUS day and it's all because I LET GOD lead the way...

Good afternoon! may the sun shine warmly upon your face, the gentle breeze blow away your troubles, and may you find laughter in at least one small thing today!!

"There are 3 types of people in the world, those that make things happen, those that watch things happen, and those that wonder what the hell happened!"

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.

I am proud to be a Christian saved by grace.

I LOVE the fact that God has a perfect plan for my life...I am so excited to see where my new paths will lead me...

If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes

I love Audio Books! They have been my Best friend through this hard weekend. I have to admit though-I still love being able to hold a book and read it from the pages. I really want to try a kindle or something similar.

The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen.

Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God

Only God is love, sometimes I think he breaks our heart only to fill it with his perfect love. only Jesus is faithful, his love never fails. Trust only God provides all our hearts desires

I have to say: I have the BEST GIRL cousins ever! I LOVE YOU GIRLS! "Cousins are those childhood playmates who grow up to be forever friends."
Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. >M

When you look at me, you only see what I appear to be. There is much more to me underneath. Only those with the purest of hearts will see the true me.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

If your actions inspire others to dream more,learn more, do more and become more,you are a leader.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Beautiful Quotes 60 to be exact~

1)“Stay” is a charming word in a friend’s vocabulary. Louisa May Alcott


2)If you can find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded. Maya Angelou

3) Nobody minds having what is too good for them. Jane Austen

4)When an opinion is general, it is usually correct. Jane Austen

5)Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. James Baldwin

6)Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. James Baldwin

7)It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. William Blake

8)Men judge us by the success of our efforts. God looks at the efforts themselves. Charlotte Bronte

9)Look twice before you leap. Charlotte Bronte

10)If I could I would always work in silence and obscurity, and let my efforts be known by their results. Emily Bronte

11)Reading is important—read between the lines. Don’t swallow everything. Gwendolyn Brooks

12)Books succeed, and lives fail. Elizabeth Barrett Browning

13)A woman’s always younger than a man of equal years. Elizabeth Barrett Browning

14)Where there is great love, there are always wishes. Willa Cather

15)Give people a new word and they think they have a new fact. Willa Cather

16)Advice is like snow—the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks

into the mind. Samuel Taylor Coleridge

17)A word is dead when it is said, some say, I say it just begins to live that day. Emily Dickinson

18)Without a struggle, there can be no progress. Frederick Douglass

19)A little learning, indeed, may be a dangerous thing, but the want of learning is a calamity to any people. Frederick Douglas

20)Oh, how with more than dreams the soul is torn, ere sleep comes down to soothe the weary eyes. Paul Lawrence Dunbar

21)Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love. George Eliot

22)It is never too late to be what you might have been. George Eliot

23)The ancestor of every action is a thought .Ralph Waldo Emerson

24)Books are for nothing but to inspire. Ralph Waldo Emerson

25)This is the way the world ends; not with a bang, but a whimper. T. S. Eliot

26)The end of wisdom is to dream high enough to lose the dream in the seeking of it.William Faulkner

27)I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.Earnest Hemingway

28)In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost

29)Never be afraid to sit a while and think. Lorraine Hansberry

30)The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely. Lorraine Hansberry

31)I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I am awake, you know? Ernest Hemingway

32)Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. Langston Hughes

33)It is from the blues that all that may be called American music derives its most distinctive characteristics. James Weldon Johnson

34)Get busy living, or get busy dying. Stephen King

35)Borrow trouble for yourself, if that’s your nature, but don’t lend it to your neighbors’ .Rudyard Kipling

36)The one thing that does not abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience. Harper Lee

37)Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing. Harper Lee

38)The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time. Jack London

39)For whatever is truly wondrous and fearful in man, never yet was put into words or books. Herman Melville

40)What difference does it make if the thing you are scared of is real or not? Toni Morrison

Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past. George Orwell

41)Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. George Orwell

42)I have great faith in fools. My friends call it self-confidence. Edgar Allen Poe

43)A fool thinks himself wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool. William Shakespeare

44)This above all: to thine own self be true William Shakespeare

45)It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves. William Shakespeare

46)No one wants advice—only corroboration. John Steinbeck

47)Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do or die. Alfred Lord Tennyson

48)Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Alfred Lord Tennyson

49)Somebody’s boring me. I think it’s me. Dylan Thomas

50)Goodness is the only investment that never fails. Henry David Thoreau

51)Books are thee treasured wealth of the world and the fit inheritance of generations and nations. Henry David Thoreau

53)It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

Mark Twain

54)If we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. Edith Wharton

55)I have learned that to be with those I like is enough. Walt Whitman

56)Experience is one thing that you can’t get for nothing. Oscar Wilde

57)No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. Alice Walker

58)Being happy is not the only happiness. Alice Walker

59)A sure way for one to lift himself up is by helping lift someone else. Booker T. Washington

60)The impulse to dream was slowly beaten out of me by experience. Now it surged up again and I hungered for books, new ways of looking and seeing. Richard Wright

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

We often forget to be slow to speak

Felt a little inspired talking about music the passed few days... 

Hmm

Do you know the words that I sing??

 

There is someone out there for me
Can you tell me his name? 
How does he laugh? How does he cry? 
What is the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I’m here? 
Where are you??  -   “Where Are You” - unknown

You yearn for someone not because you want to be complete but because you want to add more color to your life. That person must not necessarily break through your schedule but inspire you to manage your time instead. You see, it is not a matter of distance and time. It is more like a relationship in a higher level.

It is smiling alone every once in a while, knowing that somewhere, somehow, someone smiles at the thought of you too.

 Dec 23, 2011 orig post date

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Actions speak louder then words!

Quotes on life, love, truth and funny things like that found here in this blog

My World My Son :-)

Quotes on life

Physical verses Verbal Abuse:

Physical abuse is easily identified. There is no doubt, once you have been hit, that you have been physically abused. You don’t second guess yourself because the bruises and scars are visible evidence that abuse has taken place. Verbal abuse is different. The damage is internal, there are no physical bruises or scars, just a wounded spirit and sense of self-esteem.

I didn't know how serious Verbal Abuse is:

A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you. The use of words to punish is a very covert attempt to control and regardless of how loving your spouse may appear to be, verbal abuse is wrong and can be just has harmful as physical abuse.

Protect yourself from abuse

I hope passing along information helps at least one person. Even if me one day.... If you are - or suspect you are - in an abusive relationship, there are steps you can take to help ensure your safety, says McMahon. In a heated situation, stay away from the kitchen - reportedly one of the most common places for domestic violence - where there are too many potential weapons. Also avoid any small rooms, such as bathrooms or closets, where you can be trapped. Call 911 as soon as possible. Get medical help as soon as possible if you've been hit. Take photos of any injuries to yourself or your children. Try to keep a phone with you at all times, and memorize emergency phone numbers (such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE). Set up a system with a trusted neighbor - such as flashing your porch lights on and off - to alert her that you're in danger and you want her to call the police. Keep a small suitcase packed for yourself and your children, with key documents like your Social Security card, health insurance card and driver's license. If you're being stalked, get an unlisted phone number, screen all your calls, and frequently change your driving times, routes and other daily habits. Alert the security officer at your workplace if you think you're in danger. Finally, says McMahon, pay attention to your instincts. "If you're feeling bad about the relationship - even if you don't know why - don't ignore it. Listen to your gut." Domestic Violence and Abuse: The Facts If you wonder whether domestic violence is really a problem, consider these numbers. ̢ۢ Battering. About 572,000 assaults by intimate partners are officially reported each year, and at least 170,000 of these assaults require hospitalization, emergency room care or a doctor's care. ̢ۢ Sexual assault. Every year about 132,000 women in the United States report rape or attempted rape - and more than half of them knew their attackers. Domestic violence experts estimate that many more women are raped but don't report it. Every year, 1.2 million women are forcibly raped by their current or former male partners, some more than once, according to the National Association of Women. ̢ۢ Death. Every day 4 women die in the United States as a result of domestic violence at the hands of their husbands or partners. The number of women who have been murdered by domestic violence is greater than the number of soldiers killed in the Vietnam War. Domestic violence is a grim reality, but you can help protect yourself by watching for early signs of abuse and getting out of an abusive relationship as quickly as possible

Insecurities - Un-healthy for realationships

WHY DO MEN GET JEALOUS? Whatever form a man's jealousy takes, the root cause is always the same: insecurity. There may even be a connection between male jealousy and infidelity, says psychologist Gladeana McMahon. 'Men aren't so sure these days about who they're supposed to be. Should they be the provider, or an equal partner? This uncertainty breeds insecurity and, in turn, jealousy. 'Some jealous men may have problems entering into a monogamous relationship because they find it too scary to commit to one person - what if it goes wrong, or she lets him down?'So these men split their emotions. They can be insanely jealous of their partner, but being unfaithful to her provides, they think, the emotional security of not putting all their relationship eggs in one basket.' _______________________________________WHAT ARE THE WARNING SIGNS?• If he grew up around infidelity. 'If he saw his parents cheating on each other, he may have grown up thinking that's what people do, and be carrying a great deal of mistrust,' says Gladeana.• If he's been cheated on. He may well be asking why he should trust you if he was so badly hurt before.• If he has a poor self-image. If he doesn't believe he's worth much, then he's always going to question why you stay with him - and whether you'll continue to.• If you're more successful or more highly paid than him. A common jealousy trigger, as it strikes at the core of every man's sense of his own status. Glance at any celebrity magazine and it's clear how the relationships between famous women and not-so-famous men have a habit of hurtling towards the rocks, usually amid tales of the man's jealous outbursts. Exhibit A: Jennifer Lopez's short-lived marriage to choreographer Cris Judd, punctuated by tales of the groom's jealous tantrums. ______________________________________Many women misread the signs when entering into a relationship with a jealous man, interpreting his possessive behavior as caring, even romantic. Others may choose to ignore the jealous outbursts, or try to anticipate or avoid the situations which spark them off. This, says Gladeana, is a major mistake. 'You must never back out of dealing with his jealousy in the hope it will go away - it won't,' she says. 'But by learning the right way to tackle it, he'll soon come to know that as soon as he starts suffering pangs, you'll always notice and won't let him get away with it.' ______________________________________HOW TO HANDLE A JEALOUS GUY1. Recognise it as a problem - both of you.2. Make a commitment. Him: that he genuinely wants to change his behavior and will work at it with your help. You: that you won't change your behavior to accommodate his. Never stop doing things to 'keep your partner happy.' He'll just find other things to get jealous about.3. Look for the reasons for the jealousy. It always comes down to an insecurity about one thing or another...but what? Perhaps his self-esteem needs building up - he may not feel, at heart, that he is loveable and his jealousy may be a way of testing this. You need to talk together about how the jealousy manifests itself and discuss how you'll deal with it when it next happens.4. Work out a 'jealousy code'. This is a sign, either a word or a gesture, agreed on and known only to you two, that either of you can use when jealousy is becoming a problem. It acts like a sort of 'time out' in difficult situations and signals for you to help each other.5. Don't pamper him. 'Changing your behavior to try and avoid jealousy is an example of pampering and never cures the problem. What does is encouraging him that he's doing well in trying to deal with it and that you recognise how difficult it is for him,' says Gladeana. Never, ever say that the jealousy is acceptable. Support him, but never collude with him.6. Get help. Jealousy is one of the most frequent problems brought to relationships counselors....

When intamacy turns violent - Warning signs of abuse

When Intimacy Turns Violent Know the early signs of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse to protect yourself from an abusive relationship and domestic violence. Love isn't supposed to hurt, but for too many women, physical and sexual abuse are part of their lives. Domestic violence experts estimate that 2 to 4 million women are battered each year. But domestic violence - an assault by a husband or boyfriend - doesn't always come in the most dramatic, headline-grabbing forms. Emotional and verbal abuse, date rape and more subtle forms of violence happen to women and girls of all ages. Are you - or is your daughter - in a potentially abusive relationship? Recommended Related to Sex & Relationships What Does "For Worse" Look Like? Just ask these five couples whose love passed the ultimate test.... It can happen with a phone call at 4 a.m. It can happen when your doctor says, "I have some bad news...." It can happen a week after your honeymoon, or in the middle of a deadline crunch at work, or on your way to your child's yellow-belt ceremony. Tragedy can hit, hard, anytime. And though it's romantic to think that couples can cling together and weather the storm, the reality... Domestic violence is not about anger, says Michigan psychiatrist Laura McMahon, MD, who teaches young women what behaviors are - and are not - appropriate in a relationship. "Domestic violence is about domination, manipulation and control." And abusive behavior often starts when a couple is just dating, she says. Types of Abuse Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or verbal, says Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN, author of When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong. She explains the different types: Physical abuse includes hitting, punching, strangling, restraining, pushing and slapping. Verbal abuse includes name-calling, shouting and yelling. Emotional abuse includes blaming, accusing and restricting your freedom - like preventing you from using the phone or talking to family members, or recording the mileage on your car to see if you've driven somewhere 'not allowed.' Attempting to confuse you mentally - as in the Hitchcock film "Gaslight" - is another perfect example, says Fay. Sexual abuse is a forced sexual encounter of any type, says Fay. This includes intercourse, inappropriate touching of any kind (even through clothing) and even forced kissing when you don't desire it. Common Abusive Behavior Most women don't leave at the first warning signs of domestic violence, Fay says, because they're afraid to rock the boat or don't have the financial resources and social support to leave. "Because of the controlling nature of abusers," she says, "it's hard for many women to make contact with someone who can help them, or even to have any money." Could you be in an abusive relationship? The Sojourner Truth House, an advocacy organization and shelter for battered women in Wisconsin, provides this list of abusive behaviors. While this list focuses on male partners, in a few cases, a woman could be the abuser in a relationship. He always has to be right Can you voice your own opinions, even if your partner disagrees? Or does he push your ideas aside and insist on being right? Short-tempered Is your partner short-tempered and quick to anger? Does he often slam doors, punch walls or throw things? Does he take out his anger on innocent animals? Uses his physical force Has your partner grabbed or squeezed you so hard you were bruised? Does your partner hold you down or shove, slap, kick or hit you, to get his way? Jealous and possessive Does your partner seem overly jealous or possessive of you? Does he frequently ask where you went, why, and whom you saw? Does he accuse you of things that you didn't do? Fascinated by weapons Does your partner carry a knife, gun or other weapon, or spend a lot of time watching violent films and videos? Heavy drinking or drugs Does your partner often drink heavily or use drugs, and become more hot-tempered when he does? Fast-moving relationships Has your relationship moved faster than you'd like? If your partner displays any of these behaviors, domestic violence experts advise you to leave immediately. "Unfortunately, you can't usually prevent domestic violence," says McMahon, "since most abusers don't feel they have a problem."

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Never gets easy

It changes you a little bit every time you either break someone's heart or get your heart broken.

Tattoo

Why does one so often lead to another? Can people really become addicted to tattoos? That depends on how you define ‘addiction’. In a strict medical sense, what we commonly call a ‘tattoo addiction’ may actually be more of a passion. If, however, we broaden our view of what constitutes an addiction, then there are several factors that could contribute to a tattooing addiction. Endorphins These natural pain relievers originate in the brain and are released to combat the pain you feel from the tattoo gun's needles. Endorphins are very powerful. Think of the natural ‘highs’ that can come with exercise and orgasms. Some folks get more tattoos in order to feel this rush again. Adrenaline As part of the ‘fight-or-flight’ response, adrenaline is released from the nervous system in response to pain. Some ‘adrenaline junkies’ might get tattoos for the rush of adrenaline that they feel, similarly to the way others jump out of airplanes with a large piece of nylon attached to their backs. Self expression Most tattoo enthusiasts view tattooing as a way to express themselves. Some individuals, however, have difficulty with writing and speaking, and so expressing their identity through a visual medium becomes an important part of their vocabulary. For them, tattoos may be the only way that they feel comfortable showing the world who they really are. Artistic freedom This form of body modification is often recognized as an art form with the tattoo recipient as the artist, even if a professional drew the actual tat. Sculptors, painters and other artists have been known to show signs of addiction to their art forms, so it isn't surprising that tattoo artists may also do so. Tattoo culture Some tattoo enthusiasts may feel connected to the thriving tattoo sub-culture, especially if they feel ostracized from a larger community, and they may crave the sense of belonging and the bonds created through shared experiences. All of these factors can certainly mimic an addiction, but we must consider the ramifications of a true addiction. The individual feels compelled to engage in the behavior, neglects regular, necessary aspects of daily life like work, family or even health. In these regard, passion for tattooing diverges from more conventional addictions. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the endorphins that may come with getting a tattoo, and getting multiple tattoos is nothing to be ashamed of, as long as they don't interfere with your daily life. So, go ahead and get inked to your heart's content!

I'm going to be a Grandma

It's unreal in the most Beautiful way!

The phone test

He put a code for what he did but I asked yesterday for the phone and he went to hand it over ... I said that's ok Today - i got it and well lets just say numbers saved on the SD not the same showing and videos of porn.

dear God

Waiting on God Dear God,As I woke up this morning, I thought about time and the idea of stepping out in faith. How long do I wait for a breakthrough, during the down times and the quiet times when I feel so alone?As I read in my devotional, "my grace is sufficient for you," again I find strength in your Word to wait on you.Oh, God, I trust that you, who has begun the good work in me, are faithful to complete it. Today does not look any different than yesterday. My circumstances have not changed. But slowly and surely your Word is taking root in my heart and in it I have confident rest. I know my change will come. I am willing to wait on your perfect timing and your decision which is right.Thank you for weighing it all out and giving me all and only as much as I can bear. Thank you for the courageto wait and patiently trust that my Father knows what is best for me.Amen.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum. They exist between two emotional human beings who bring their own past experiences, history, and expectations into it.

 
Two different people also have different levels of skill when it comes to communication. But better communication, because it is a skill, can also be learned.
 
The most popular myth about communication in relationships is that since you talk to your partner, you’re automatically communicating. While talking to your partner is indeed a form of communication, if it’s primarily about everyday, “surfaced” topics (“How were the kids?” “How was work?” “How’s your mother?”), you’re not really communicating about the important stuff. This article is primarily about how to talk in a more open and rewarding manner with your significant other.
Communication either makes or breaks most relationships. You can improve your relationship today, right now, by putting into practice some of these tips for improving the communication in your relationship.
1. Stop and listen.
How many times have you heard someone say this or read this in an article about communication skills? How hard is it to actually do when you’re “in the moment?” Harder than it sounds. When we’re knee deep within a serious discussion or argument with our significant other, it’s hard to put aside our point for the moment and just listen. We’re often so afraid of not being heard, we rush to keep talking. Ironically, such behavior makes it all the more likely we won’t be heard.
2. Force yourself to hear.
You’ve stopped talking for the moment, but your head is still swirling with all of the things you want to say, so you’re still not really hearing what is being said. Laugh all you want, but therapists have a technique that works very well that “forces” them to really hear what a client tells them — rephrasing what a person has just said to them (called “reflection”).
This may upset a partner if you do it too much, or do it in a tone that suggests you’re mocking rather than trying to seriously listen. So use the technique sparingly, and let your partner know why you’re doing it if they ask — “Sometimes I don’t think I’m getting what you’re telling me, and doing this lets me slow my mind down a bit and really try and hear what you’re saying.”
3. Be open and honest with your partner.
Some people have never been very open to others in their life. Heck, some people might not even know themselves, or know much about their own real needs and desires. But to be in a relationship is to take a step toward opening up your life and opening up yourself.
Little lies turn into big lies. Hiding your emotions behind a cloak of invincibility might work for you, but won’t work for most others. Pretending everything is alright isn’t alright. And giving your partner the silent treatment is about as useful as a fish with a bicycle. In the desert. At night. These things may have “worked” for you in the past, but they are all barriers to good communication.
Being open means talking about things you may have never talked about with another human being before in your life. It means being vulnerable and honest with your partner, completely and unabashedly. It means opening yourself up to possible hurt and disappointment. But it also means opening yourself up to the full potential of all a relationship can be.
4. Pay attention to nonverbal signals.
Most of our communication with one another in any friendship or relationship isn’t what we say, but how we say it. Nonverbal communication is your body language, the tone of your voice, its inflection, eye contact, and how far away you are when you talk to someone else. Learning to communicate better means that you need to learn how to read these signals as well as hear what the other person is saying. Reading your partner’s nonverbal signals takes time and patience, but the more you do it, the more attuned you will be to what they’re really saying, such as:
  • Folded arms in front of a person may mean they’re feeling defensive or closed off.
  • Lack of eye contact may mean they’re not really interested in what you’re saying, are ashamed of something, or find it difficult to talk about something.
  • Louder, more aggressive tone may mean the person is escalating the discussion and is becoming very emotionally involved. It might also suggest they feel like they’re not being heard or understood.
  • Someone who’s turned away from you when talking to you may mean disinterest or being closed off.
All the while you’re reading your partner’s nonverbal signals, be aware of your own. Make and maintain eye contact, keep a neutral body stance and tone to your voice, and sit next to the person when you’re talking to them.
5. Stay focused in the here and now.
Sometimes discussions turn into arguments, that can then morph into a discussion about everything and the kitchen sink. To be respectful of one another and the relationship, you should try and keep the discussion (or argument) focused to the topic at hand. While it’s easy to get in the cheap shots or bring up everything that an argument seems to call for, just don’t. If the argument is ostensibly about who’s making dinner tonight, keep it that topic. Don’t veer off down the country road of who does what in the house, who’s responsible for child rearing, and by the way, who cleans the kitchen sink.
Arguments that do veer off tend to escalate and grow larger and larger. One party needs to make an effort at that point to try and de-escalate the argument, even if it means walking away from it, literally. But do so as respectfully as possible, saying something like, “Look, I can see this isn’t going to get any better by discussing it tonight. Let’s sleep on it and try talking about it with fresh eyes in the morning, okay?”
6. Try to minimize emotion when talking about important, big decisions.
Nobody can talk about important, big matters if they feel emotionally vulnerable or charged-up and angry. Those are not the times to talk about the serious issues (like money, getting married, the kids, or retirement). You might think it impossible, nonsensical or even contradictory to talk about an emotional topic like getting married or having children without emotion. And yet, these discussions need to keep a foothold of rationality to them in order to not gloss over the realities that they bring. Marriage, for instance, brings the combining of households and living with another person day-to-day. Having kids isn’t just about cute toddler clothes and painting the nursery, but talking about who’s going to change diapers, feed the newborn, and be available at all hours of the day and night for months on end.
7. Be ready to cede an argument.
How many times do we continue to argue or have a heated discussion because we simply want to be “right.” I’ve talked about this sense of needing to “win” arguments more than once. Why? Because so many of couples’ arguments revolve around one party thinking they’re “right” and the other party not willing to cede the point or back off. In fact, though, both parties need to back off.
By doing this, are you giving up a piece of yourself by compromising and not insisting on how right you are? Well, that’s something only you can decide. Would you rather be in a happy relationship where you respect the other person, even if you may occasionally disagree with them? Or would you rather be in an unhappy relationship where you know you’re always right, no matter what? It just comes down to your priorities — if being “right” is more important to you than your partner’s happiness, then perhaps you have not found the right partner.
8. Humor and playfulness usually help.
You don’t have to be funny in order to use humor and playfulness in everyday conversations. You just need to use the sense of humor you do have and try and inject it into more of your communications with your partner. Humor helps lighten everyday frustrations and helps puts things into perspective more gently than other methods. Playfulness reminds us that even as adults, we all have a side to us that enjoys fun and taking a break from the seriousness of work and other demands made on us.
9. Communicating is more than just talking.
To communicate better and more effectively in your relationship, you don’t only have to talk. You can communicate in other ways — through your actions, and nowadays, electronically too (through email, Facebook, blogs, texting or Twitter). All too often, couples focus only on the talking aspect of their relationship, but your actions also speak loudly. Keeping in touch throughout the day or week through email or other electronic means also reminds the person you’re thinking about them and how important they are in your life. Even if such communications are mainly playful or inconsequential, they can help lighten your partner’s day and improve their mood.
Some couples also find that using email or another method is easier to discuss emotional issues rather than trying to do so face-to-face. It’s something to consider if every time you try and bring up a particular topic with your significant other, it turns into an argument or they shy away from it. Email or texting may be a way of communicating about such matters more openly and directly.
* * *
Nobody is a perfect communicator all the time. But you can work to become a better communicator by trying a few of these tips. They won’t all work, nor will they work all the time. Better communication, however, starts with one person making the effort to improve, which often encourages the other to come along for the ride

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Saying you don't need a man:

I don't need a man. One of the biggest lies we women tell ourselves. Yet we fuss and fight over one. Yet we buy the cutest and sexiest clothes. Yet we get our hair done and put on make up. OR do we do it for ourselves? It's not about being desperate, it's about acknowledging that you need a man in your life BUT you will accept one when you are 1) ready 2) he is ready 3) he is finally who God wants you to have. 4) love comes unconditionally, untethered to his past and free to love you deeply.

How hard was that? Or are you still saying that you don't need a man? I wonder if men go so hard that they say that they don't need a woman?

5 Levels of Communication


Misunderstanding leads to breakups

About one in two marriages ends in a divorce these days. We are all too familiar with the various problems that can lead to a breakup. Arguments can begin at sunrise and not stop until after sunset. This kind of fragile relationship is like a time bomb ready to explode at any time. Some couples may keep it all inside to avoid the confrontation, but that doesn’t make the relationship any healthier. Either way, it is a no-win situation. The romance and dreams these couples once built together vanish into obscurity.

Arguments are part of every marriage

Couples often fail to compromise simply due to selfishness. Each side asks the other to change. Differences in opinion frequently lead to quarrels. These “minor issues” are just part of your marriage. More serious problems arise from heated discussions that turned into intense arguments. The fact is that no two people are alike. You may have different backgrounds, perspectives, personalities, and professions.


Video: How can you affair-proof your marriage?Guarding your marriage: Do a Life Lesson on love

Yes, you’ll still have your share of disagreements and arguments, but you need to handle them with wisdom. You have to realize it is not easy to mix well together for a lifetime. You’ll need plenty of love, faith and patience to start.

This way, your marriage won’t dry up and become routine. Communication is critical for a healthy marriage. Some people describe the ideal marriage as a two-way street. If you don’t have any arguments, or one side is always directing the traffic, you are riding on a one-way street without any communication. That’s not something to cheer about.
Establish a healthy communication technique
Maybe people have different views about the true meaning of the word “argument”. The husband and wife are two distinct bodies. Arguments are just part of life. What is important is how you handle those arguments. You’ll need to communicate with some skill.
Men and women are different, so oftentimes they “talk” but fail to “communicate”. That will just make matters worse. Couples need to find an effective method of communication. Communication is often the major player in holding a marriage together. Unfortunately, many couples lack this skill and desperately need to work on it.
Couples must learn to understand each other better and recognize and accept each others’ point of view. When you love but don’t fully appreciate each other you’ll be destined to have a rocky journey ahead. When couples are willing to talk about everything and step into each other’s shoes to look at problems, then that will be the starting point of an ideal marriage.
Communication is an art
Experts believe communication can be divided into five levels:
  1. Level of acquaintance
  2. Sharing of information
  3. Sharing of ideas
  4. Sharing of emotions
  5. Gut level sharing
Wives often want a husband who can just sit down and listen, someone who can completely appreciate her emotions and views (Level 5). Husbands typically want to reason, maybe even give a lecture (Level 3). In this kind of situation, the wives may sometimes feel that they are talking to a wall. Eventually, the wives may stop sharing many of their feelings and thoughts. Thus, it becomes necessary for couples to learn how to communicate effectively.
In addition, couples need to love and accept each other, learn to listen, and listen with undivided attention. Be proactive, objective, and pay attention for any signs your lover may give. Learn how to talk and praise your lover frequently. Don’t forget to use some humor at times. And most importantly, say everything to your lover with the love that comes straight from your heart.
Find out the cause of the confrontation and work it out
If you notice that confrontations are becoming more frequent, don’t underestimate the severity of it. Try to focus and find out the root of the problem. Resolve the differences in a timely manner and apologize to each other. Don’t delay. Whenever couples have confrontations, it is best to solve it as soon as possible.
Handling confrontations is an art like dance. Here are some steps you can take to master the dance of communication:

  1. Never use the silent treatment.
  2. Never use lies to cover up short comings.
  3. Don’t get in-laws or friends involved right away.
  4. Don’t be subjective in making any conclusions.
  5. Never jump into conclusions, communicate and talk it over.
  6. Discuss what actually happened, don’t judge.
  7. Find out all the facts rather than start guessing at the motives.
  8. Learn to understand each other, not to defeat each other.
  9. Use future and present tense talking, not past tense.
  10. Concentrate on the major problem, don’t divide attention by mixing in other minor problems.
  11. First take care of the problems that hurt feelings in the relationship, then take care the problems arising from just differences in opinions.
  12. Use “I feel” statements, don’t use “you are” statements.

Marriage is a lifelong journey.